January is almost over....

I cannot believe that January is almost over.. I am happy that this year is going by fast and there are many things that we have happening this year it is very exciting. Well in less than two weeks I will be able to go to see Chuck in Missouri for his graduation and we will get to visit during family day and maybe the day of his graduation. I have to fly into St. Louis and then drive to Fort Leonard Wood where he is at right now, I dont mind it will be all new things for me to see but I am also kind of bummed that I wont get there super ealry so that we can spend more time together, but I dont make the flights I just book them, anyway I will be there for almost 4 days and then I will get on a plane and fly to Chicago and then to Dallas, which I am very excited about so I can visit Chucks family while I am there.. well they are my family too but you know what I mean, anyway we will be able to visit for about 3 hours at the airport, I will get to see Dad, Jon and Miss Tasha which I am so excited about.... my sister in law and I are very close and we talk almost every day which is nice to always talk to her, she is so awesome. Anyway I am ready to go and ready to have a few days off from work, it will be nice to be away from home and work. I come home on Saturday February 11th and wont get home until 11pm so I will either be so tired I will go home and pass out, or maybe I will go out for a few hours on the town and have a long night... we will see.
Things have been so great this month except for Chuck not being home, but I am getting used to it, and when he does come home we will most likely be moving out of our condo where we live now and moving into my mom's for a few months so we can save some money for the house we are buying. We just found out that we can plan on moving around early September, so we will see...... we do have Approval though so that is always exciting... I cannot wait to tell Chuck since he has not got to hear that information yet. He will be very excited. February will be an awesome month I think, it will be a short month but it is Leap Year so it will be fun to have an extra day..... I will spend Valentine's day with Zackery and I will make his favorite dinner I suppose since Chuck wont be home and we will have to celebrate Valentines day when I am there or wait until he comes home.. He is supposed to be home around or right before my birthday and OMG I will be 30 this year.... I am not so sure I am going to have a party, but what I do know is that I will have a great birthday and cannot wait. My Luv Cheryl is coming here from Claifornia to spend time with me for my Birthday, we plan to go out of course, go to the fair/rodeo and then be tourists on the strip and get a room for two nights. It will be well worth every penny and every great time and laugh we have.. I hope others will join me and her but we will see what happens with all of that. You never know!!! Anyway I must go for now, so until next time, Cheers!!

Tattoo Update....

Well I had more work done on my tattoo this past weekend and boy is it beautiful and coming along slowly. It is pretty painful this time, but I thinkthat is because as you can see those flowers are alot bigger and on my ribs... I am loving it though. I cannot wait for it to be completely done and finished so I can share many more pictures of it. So I had a pretty good weekend, getting this tattoo really did take alot out of me and made me soo tired all day on Saturday and even into Sunday, I slept most of the day on Sunday which is never good when you have laundry and things to do. But I was just too tired to get off the couch. Plus it was kind of a rough day for me, missing Chuck and wishing he was home. He did get to call yesterday which is always nice to hear from him but at the same time they only allowed them about ten minutes yesterday to call and that was the upsetting part because that is soo not enough time to talk on the phone. Anyway I have been pretty good other than all of this exciting stuff... But not much else is going on besides work and school work. I gotta run and get some of my homework done now, until next time, Cheers!!!

Think about it....

Have you ever felt like no matter what someone does or says it wont help the situation? I swear I have felt this way for some time about so many things. I just have a loss for words and actions towards people like this. I am happy with my new year so far, except Chuck being gone, but I know he will come back. :) Anyway not being able to get a grip on things that are out of your realm or even just outside of your comfort level is beyond weird and not a good feeling. I know this seems l ike I am rambling, but I just dont understand how you can change over night or how people continuously forgive things and keep moving as if it never happened, or maybe that is where I am nieve and they dont move on they hold that in and then one day the time comes and they explode. I just feel like if you cannot be open and you can live without someone or something in your life then there should not have to be this big effort to keep them in your life. Can you live a normal life without certain material things in your life? I know I can... I have done this for sometime now. I have goals, dreams and determination to get to where I want to be and to help others get to where they want to be too, but i want to be supported no matter what I do. I sometimes feel like I am lost and just getting by, and this could be possibly true because it feels so different that Chuck is not here. I like to be able to do my thing since he has been gone, but I enjoy doing my thing when he is here too.
Realizing things everyday really makes you wonder what you have done and accomplished everyday. I have started to teach myself how to meditate and clear my head of all thoughts good or bad, and it is an amazing feeling. I know this is a much needed practice by many but practiced by few. It is the most tranquil feeling I have ever had, but why is it so hard? Why do our brains decide when to turn off if you can even get them too?  I have a freind who said to me once that she wished she could come back in another life, start as an old woman, and slowly get better everyday, and go through her whole life backwards, and end up in a belly of water and that is where you slowly get smaller and smaller and no longer have any life. When she said this to me, I thought OMG why would she say this and what is so wrong with her life where she would feel as if she would want to live her life backwards? But I guess when you dont know where to begin and sometimes half way through your life you can start again or maybe you just stop and dont know where to go from there? I feel this way sometimes, and I ask myself where do I go from here? What do you want from this? I love everything about life and especially where I am today, but it is still a concious thought of what if and where would I be if I hadnt traveled this path. I wonder where tomorrow will take me, but getting to tomorrow is the truest blessing I beleive. Anyway I know this is quite alot to think about, but another reason to have a blog for myself to speak aloud and not wait for responses, just get the words out and try to make sense of them. Until next time, Cheers!

Do you ever???

Do you ever feel like you have least sight if what is important? Or feel as if you don't know if its right or wrong? Do I sound like a television commercial?? Lol
Anyway these are all questions we don't ask ourselves enough, well in my opinion. When did there become a rule that you are supposed to think of yourself last? I didn't think there was one, but what I do know is that being questioned about your role in someones life is the most confusing question ever and the craziest thing I have ever heard. But everyone is entitled to their opinion and way of thinking and it doesn't have to be the same as mine. I have always said if you don't know the role you play in somones life then maybe you shouldnt be questioning your role but be questioning who you have chosen to be in your life. Right?! I will never understand many people that are in my life and sometimes I don't even understand the reason they are in my life but the ones that you search for that reason may not deserve one and that should just be accepted as it is and move on. Oh joy the chapters continue in my book and hope yours do too, until next time, Cheers!!!!

What is your favorite color?

Haha, Did you really think I was talking about what your favorite color is? Well I guess in a sense I am. I really love colors, coloring, and finding your true colors as well as finding others true colors. It is not always fun to find these things out about people you know or people that you may know through other people, because it just throws up a wall so high you never know if one can ever get over that wall. I choose to have a tall wall, but it is a beautiful and colorful wall. I will repaint it as much as you want me too, just keep showing all of your colors to me and when you splash YOUR TRUE COLORS on it then you are just making my wall more beautiful. I have a favorite color for real.. it is PURPLE. I really love that color, and it is the color of royalty, which I would like to think that in some life I am royalty, maybe not this life but in one of them. But the moral to my blog and this story is, the more you show your true colors to people the more beautiful you make their wall or life, when someone chooses to show how they truly are it just is a constant reminder of the place that they hold inyour life or in your heart.
Have you ever thought of a color when you think of a person? Think about what color you want to be? When I think about Chuck I think about red, the color of love. When I think of Zackery and Lauren I think of Yellow its so bright and reminds me of the sun, and yellow is in your everyday life... Zack likes the color red, which tells me he is full of love and well blood too. :) Chuck loves Camoflauge and he will try and tell you that this is a color, but we all knwo it is a pattern not a color, but we will let him tell it his way. Anyway I dont know what he thinks about when he thinks of his favorite colors, but in my opinion he likes camoflauge because he likes to hunt and loves the outdoors. I would hope that when he thinks of me and a color it would be the color of love, or happiness and maybe even the color of royalty. Some of you may know my friend Julie, or as I call her Jewls.... well when I think of her I think of the rainbow and not because of the gay pride rainbow, but because she brings all of those colors to my life everyday when I talk to her and when I think of her but I think it is also because I know all of her colors and they dont change from day to day and she is always showing me all her beautiful colors. I hope this makes sense....... I must go for now but until next time, Cheers!!

Ahhh I have been thinking....

Hello All, I know it has been a few days since my last blog but as I mentioned above I have been thinking about what I could express to you all. I do love to blog and I have fun doing it, but I have had so much to say and just no time to dit. I have some good, bad, sad, and mean things to say so I wont be sharing them all. I will however let you know I am back to my usual activities since Chuck is gone again and I have been spenidng alot more time alone. I have been able to get alot of things done around the house and spend time with some friends who are not only in need but soo fun to be around. Last weekend I went to dinner on Friday with my friend Jeff from Alaska, and then Saturday I spent the day with my mom which is always nice, I even got to show her the house that Chuck and I have decided that we would like to buy! I am very excited about this process to start for the first time with Chuck and I, it is a new construction home so we will get to choose all of the upgrades and things we want done to this house. Anyway Saturday night I went to dinner with my friend and his parents, it is always nice to have PF Changs, one of my most favorte places to eat and since Chuck doe snot like Asian inspired food he never likes to go there, so after we had dinner we went to Revolver which is always a good time, Jeff and I saw lots of people and some that I knew so he got to meet some of my friends too, it was a whole lot of fun and we laughed the whole time. I had a few Carnberry and Vodka drinks and my goodness I forgot how much I liked that drink, but I guess I got tired of Cranberry juice. We danced, laughed, drank, and people watched which is always exciting. Sunday was a quiet relaxed day and I was able to get some of my homework done and all of my laundry done as well. I love my Sundays, but this past Sunday was the first one without Chuck being home and that is always hard, I cried a little, laughed a little, and anticipated his call all day long. I finally got a call around 4:30pm which was of course excellent, he is good but having a hard time going back and getting back into things around there, I try so hard to not cry when I am on the phone with him but this time I just couldnt hold it back, it was a weird day for me. Anyway by the end of the night I was ready for bed and so was Zackery. My week at work started off ok, but just extra tired this week which is never fun to pull yourself out of bed in the morning but I had to do it, and knowing I have a long weekend this weekend I am going to make it well worth it for everything this week... I am looking forward to this weekend and next Monday to have off from work and get my hair done, I cannot wait! Anyway I am going to have to go for now, until next time, Cheers!

New Year!!!

Can you believe that 2012 is already here, OMG! I never thought that it would come so quickly. I sure hope everyone had a great New Years Eve as well as hope you made some really great New Years Resoultions. Chuck and I have set many goals for the year and we consider those to be our Resolutions. We have decided that we want to buy a house and we will do what we need to do to be able to achieve this goal this year, we also want to stop eating out and stay home to cook more. We have some bad habits when it comes to that and we just rather save our money and eat at home. I am excited for this one because I am not a big eater and so when we go out to dinner it can be very wasteful for me and of course wastes money... boo hoo.

Anyway so Chuck and I were together for the past few weeks while he was home on break and it was so nice for him to be home, but now he is gone again he left yesterday and as hard as it was the first time it was way worse the second time. I have also been sick for the past week or week and a half and so I may have been a little too emotional but either way it still sucks to feel that way. Anyway it was so hard to say good bye again and he even called last night and told me it was harder this time than the last time. I am just hoping that the next few weeks go by super fast and I am hoping that it all works out for us and that I am able to go to his graduation in February. I may have to take a few days off from work and that part sucks but at the same time I dont mind taking the time off if it is for a good reason. I would take a total of 2.5 or 3 days off from work that week and travel late at night so I could spend the day with him the day prior to his graduation, but the way this is all working so far I dont have much information so it is kind of hard to make travel arrangements when I dont know what will be allowed or not. Either way we will figure it out and I will book my flights, hotel, and rental car for that time. I just hope he is allowed to leave the base and stay at a hotel with me so we dont have to worry about curfew but I dont know yet. I will soon know.... I hope. Well I have to run for now, Until next time, Cheers and Happy New Year again!!!